tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
