she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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