Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
