I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
