i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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