omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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