Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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