That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
