sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
