But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
They should really pass out barf bags in church
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
