Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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