Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
