your thong is hanging out like whoa
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
