it wasn't lemon gatorade
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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