she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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