i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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