Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
