btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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