Fuck appropriateness.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
