so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
