I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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