Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
