I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
