I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
