I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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