apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
