i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
