well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
