Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
