You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
