Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
