i would punch a child for taco bell
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
