these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
