You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
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