Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
