Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
