I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
well you can't waste a boner
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
