Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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