why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
