The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
