I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
