i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
