why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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