im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize