She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
