im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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