I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
