this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
