pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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