i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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