So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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