He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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