now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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