My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
