saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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