I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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