Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize