Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
