Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
